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The Vindictiveness of Vicious Vixens

Anyone who's following me, like anywhere, knows I have been raving about a fantasy book coming out from Tickety Boo Press on 31st March. 

The Adventures of Sir Edric by Thaddeus White features the most un-pc knight you will meet and, as a beta, had me doubled in laughter on every reading. 

Anyway, since I'm off to Mancunicon I invited Sir Edric along to the blog to have a chat about things close to his heart. In this case, he wanted to talk about women and his - um, shall we say - unique take on them.

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[A special guest post, dictated by Sir Edric Greenlock, the Hero of Hornska, to his manservant Dog].

The wife. The sister. The mother-in-law.

Female villains take many forms. But just why are they so devilishly good at wickedness?

One need only look at Adam and Eve to see how easily women lead pure and virtuous men such as Adam (or myself) astray. By cunningly preying on the natural admiration men feel for women, the fairer sex are lethal experts at manipulating honest men.

Indeed, the heart-stopping, trouser-trembling gorgeousness of elves is very likely the only reason we haven’t wiped out the patronising, arrogant pointy-ears.

But let it not be said that women are only cruel towards men. The fairer sex believe in equal opportunities when it comes to evil genius, and are more than willing to tussle with one another for dominance. Consider the example of Roxanne, Alexander the Great’s wife. She was pregnant with his child when he died, and decided the optimal way of securing her child’s future was to pre-emptively murder Alexander’s other two wives, just in case either might be pregnant. Not so much a catfight as a lioness eating her rivals…

The gods know well the feminine powers. Sirens, furies and harpies, the vengeful spirits of temptation, retribution and nagging, are all feminine, and that’s surely no coincidence.

Or consider the Gorgon Medusa, the patron saint of mothers-in-law. Endowed with a horrifying gaze and suffering terrible problems with her hair, she petrifies anyone who comes near her.

A man who killed hundreds of people, wiped out endangered species, and stole countless artefacts would be considered a criminal maniac. But if you have a tank top and a ponytail, it’s called ‘adventuring’. Over the decades, Lara Croft (whose father died suddenly, leading to her inheritance of a vast fortune…) has killed people all over the world. And not just people. Rare and endangered animals like tigers have been her prey, and even species thought extinct, such as the Tyrannosaurus Rex. These innocent wildlife were brutally butchered by the gun-toting psychopath as she relentlessly pursued her twin hobbies of homicide and grave-robbing.

Princess Leia is a perfect example of female villains getting away with it. When she’s not tongue-kissing her brother or convincing her husband to put his life at risk for no good reason, she’s ruining the hard work of her father.

Darth Vader, the maligned hero of the Star Wars films, managed to become second in command of his country despite suffering crippling physical injuries and being a member of a persecuted religious minority. Everyone who sees his cruel mockery by a fellow officer in the first film is moved by his staunch defence of his faith, and the disturbance he feels at another’s lack thereof.

Yet, things did not go well for Lord Vader. His own daughter committed acts of rebellion, and killed thousands of people when she conceived and directed the terrorist attack that destroyed her father’s workplace, leaving him (by chance) the sole survivor.

But what do people think about when they hear the name ‘Princess Leia’? The time she wore a skimpy bikini.

Not the casual incest, terrorism or genocide, but what a foxy lady she is.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a rumour my wife is heading this way, so the time to vacate the premises has arrived.

Sir Edric Greenlock, the Hero of Hornska

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